Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
