Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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