god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize