This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
