So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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