I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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