then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
