this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
