You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
