tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
