haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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