I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize