We're like a lot better than the average bears
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
