got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
