if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
