summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize