dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
