At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
