I don't think brook has ever known best
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
