Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
