it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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