I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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