There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
