whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
