omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
