It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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