Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
