I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I believe in your delicious
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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