She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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