News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
