My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
