walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize