Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
