I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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