I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
