SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
