can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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