Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
