He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
