i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So vagazzling was a success
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
