Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
