I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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