Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
