do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
