So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
