Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
