He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
