alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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