I bet he comes in French.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
