Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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