I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
