why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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