I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
