i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
