I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
