Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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