Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
