I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
