MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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