Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Mom said you looked used
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
