ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize