With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
