I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
