Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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