She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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