Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
