Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
