Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
