lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
