grandma shit on top of the toilet
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
