direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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