I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize