yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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