if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
