Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
