i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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