You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
They took my balls.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
