Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
