Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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