Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I party with great urgency now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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