"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
