I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
