That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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