I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
