did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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