GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
