I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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