My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
