Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
